It has been just over two months since we were married and we are living 5,671 miles apart (because when you’re far away from someone you love, you end up googling this type of stuff!). It never crossed my mind I would end up in a long distance relationship, let alone a long distance marriage. It’s been a whirlwind, we only dipped our toes in the honeymoon period before continents separated us. Every morning it’s the same, stepping straight from sleep into a daydream, “if only you were here too”.
“Just get a plane ticket and leave”, says my heart. Unfortunately, I have a problem with my head (in more ways than one, some may say); if I were to leave England now, I will be giving up the opportunity to qualifying as a registered pharmacist. This is something I have studied to become for over four years (I graduated with my master’s degree this Summer… I’ve surprised myself). I will complete my training in eleven months. I keep hearing myself and others say, “well, it is only a year” and “you would regret it if you gave up now after all your hard work”. My heart swiftly interrupts, do I even want to be a pharmacist?
I can remember my secondary school sociology teacher explaining the concept of ‘deferred gratification’, giving up the instant rewards and enduring hardship for a superior reward. Is the accomplishment of becoming a pharmacist the superior reward? Do I want to become a miserable pharmacist when I have decided to live in India one day. I’m not enjoying the training at all, I’m constantly overwhelmed by the feeling that a pharmacist is expected to be more focused on making a profit than making a difference, by their employer. Things might get better.
To try to make this year more bearable I am going to try so hard not to be down and make the most of this (lonely and seemingly stagnant) time. Keep busy, keep smiling and keep remembering that eleven months is not so long compared to a life time.
I really I hope that the sociology teacher was right and becoming a pharmacist is worth it. Working in a pharmacy can be interesting and very rewarding, but it is also really emotional and stressful and I never fail to take any stress or upset home with me. I hope I will be able to look back on this year and be proud of myself for not giving up and completing my postgraduate training. Until then, I will just keep looking forward to Diwali when I will have a two week break from work return to India, even if it is for only a short while!