Divine Feminine Energy

Today is the first day of the Hindu lunar calendar, an excuse for a fresh start, something I’ve needed for a long time. Fresh starts are not solely born from the calendar though, we need to cultivate them ourselves.  My physical health has been awful during the past three weeks, keeping me in bed and in pain.

Those who know me personally will know that I’ve had a really stressful couple of months, stressful but necessary. What have I done for the past three weeks? I’ve slept, complained about my physical pain, cried in pain, wrote about the past, cried about the past, thought about the pain of the past and tried to understand it all. 

Shakti means power in Sanskrit, interestingly, Shakti also means divine feminine energy. Growing in a society where God is generally thought of as a masculine energy, the divinity of feminine energy is a liberating concept. I’m now living in a society where the divine feminine is recognised and worshiped in temples but sometimes ignored and oppressed in homes and on the street.  I ignored and oppressed it within myself for many years, believing I was “worthless”, because a man told me I was.

No one is worthless.

I’ve realised the importance of my strength and personal power and how in the past I had the devastating ability to give my power away to abusive people so easily. Allowing people to stamp on my self-esteem and self-respect. My body has been so weak during the past three weeks, but it’s given me time to reflect, gain strength mentally and think about who I want to be. When I see images of the warrior and mother Goddess, Durga, I can feel her power and strength and want to embody it! I don’t want to feel like a victim of my past anymore, I want to learn from it and feel victorious.

I am extremely lucky to have a husband who loves me and nurtures me, but there is only so much other people can do to heal you. I have learnt that we have to recognize the strength, love and compassion for ourselves, within ourselves. 

I wish I could articulate this better (working on it), but it seems to me that I have searched for the Goddess within for many years.


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  1. Familiar emotions, Lauren. It’ great you has some time to think the things over, but to be honest, you have nothing to worry about – a person whose words nourish an interest and genuine appreciation of so many people can’t be worthless. All the best for you, stay well and keep brightening our days.


  2. Oh Lauren, I am so sorry for what just happened to you.. sounds terrible! Take enough rest until you feel better, ok? All the very best, get well super soon & have a speedy recovery! Chin up, believe in yourself and look forward to your wonderful life with your husband in your new home. Sometimes we have to go through such hard and depressing times, but they just make us stronger! Do not let people bring you down!!! Everybody is worth being happy, living a life of their dreams and being respected. You are always in my thoughts & prayers. I am always here for you, if you need someone to talk. Lots of love xxx


  3. I feel you. I think only after I met my loving hubby I realized that I wasn’t ‘worthless’ too. I always thought I was stupid, not attractive, too fat. And people would pick up on me quite often, trying to prove I was worthless. This is good that some changes happen in your life the way you start thinking differently, starting..about yourself.


    • Hey honey, it’s so sad that we believe these bad things for so long before we realise different. Even after realising, it can be hard to remember!
      I hope you guys are well! Lots of love xoxo


  4. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I love fresh starts, too. Please don’t let people drag you down. You are worth so much, and it’s their loss for not realizing it. Who cares what they think of you? They don’t know the REAL you, and again it’s their loss. I struggle, too, with self-esteem and self-doubt. It’s getting easier as I get older. Take care of yourself! You’re an amazing, beautiful, lovely person! Hugs, Susan


    • Aww thank you so much, Susan!! Your kind and supportive words mean so much to me!! I definitely feel that with time things fall into place, I hope you are feeling well!
      Thank you once more. Sending lots and lots of love and hugs xoxox


  5. Do get better soon, your blog is great, I love your honesty and sharing of your Indian experiences, very interesting


  6. Happy Navratra….Maa Durga give you lot of energy to fullfill your dreams. Goddess Durga symbolizes the divine forces (positive energy) known as divine shakti (feminine energy/ power) that is used against the negative forces of evil and wickedness.(I just copy this lines for you..and you can read about Maa Durga on internet..).


  7. Dear Lauren,
    I am so sorry you were in such pain and so sick. It sounds dreadful. I hope you are in your new apt. We had a very bad winter. My husband was sick first with pneumonia and then with some mystery virus which I got, too, because I was so worried about hubby. It lasted for two months. We lost our health insurance because he was out of work so long. Hopefully it will be quickly reinstated!!

    So yes, we could use a new beginning. Lunar new year sounds good. I, too, let people walk all over me. Trying to rectify that. In fact, I quite admired you for how you have handled some situations and stood up for yourself. You have more strength than you give yourself credit for, maybe you could just tap into that a little bit more.

    Feel better!!!


    • Dear Ellen,

      Aww thank you so much dear friend! We are doing very well in our new apartment, we love it a lot and it’s created harmony all around!I hope your hubby is feeling better!!!!

      Lots of love to you both,

      Lauren xxxx


  8. Hi,

    You seem to be a person who would be interested in Vedic Astrology. Many times in life, we go through issues like health related, mental agony etc. We do not have any idea why things happened to us. With time, we get filled with grudges.

    Having an understanding of our horoscope and Vedic Astrology gives us an idea why things happened the way it happened and the time period it happened.

    Lots of articles are available online.

    Phil Stinnet


  9. I hope you are feeling much better Lauren. I love reading your posts and your insights into living in India. My first visit to India was very much love / hate, but somehow it got under my skin and I went back 6 months later. Now I am hoping to go back again. Your blog reinforces why I love/ hate India the way I do. Stay positive and I’m sure everything will be fine. Many thanks, keep up the good work.


    • Dear Sue,

      Thank you so much for comment! I think India is perhaps the most love/hate place on Earth! I hope you can return soon!! Let us know 🙂

      Lots of love xx


  10. Hope you are feeling better, Ugadi/Baisakhi/Gudi Padwa the traditional Hindu new Year is a good time for a new start; though as you wrote, any day you wish to start anew is good too.
    A course correction is needed quite often as we sail through life to deal with strong winds.

    Today for some reason I kept thinking of a line from a famous English poet – John Donne’s Meditations …”no man is an island entire unto himself, each is part of the main”, we are all part of a family/group/community yet we also want to be individuals.

    Wanting to be oneself and yet be a part of a group is what keeps us constantly trying to find balance in our life. Your inner Shakti will help you find that equilibrium.


    • Dear Shobha,

      I hope you are well! That is a very good quote, I guess there is a balance we have to find between being true to ourselves and fitting into community life. Sometimes that can be hard.

      Take care xx


  11. @Lauren

    I hope you are well. Happy navaratras to you and family. May Goddess Durga bless you with strength and prosperity. Happy Gudi Padwa to you. During these auspicious days it is but natural that you mind is drawn towards Goddess Durga. Goddess Durga with her eight arms carrying weapons is such a powerful symbol of feminine power. This is Mahisasur Mardini Shotram which beautifully describe the power of Goddess Durga. Just like the mother goddess blew away the demons, she will dispel all the self doubts and negative thoughts in you mind.

    I was surprised that you are afraid of holi. Did your husband not play holi with you?? It is such a wonderful festival especially when you have somebody to play. It is one of the most romantic festival, I guess.

    Banish the negative thoughts from your and mind and cheer up. These are songs about beauty life to cheer you up

    Nothing like old songs to cheer you up.


    • Thank you, dear Friend!

      It might be surprising but we are not into Holi lol! I find Diwali more romantic with all the lights, but I guess that is just me 🙂

      Thank you for the songs! Take care 🙂


  12. Hey Lauren,
    I have been a silent reader for quite a while.
    Reading about your interest in Hindu symbolism and your posts about events in your past that might be troubling you, I felt the need to comment. Without getting too verbose, here is link to a talk about Hindu and Buddhist symbols and archetypes by Dr. Manoj Chalam.

    Do watch this if you find the time. Pay particular attention to his references to “Samskaras”. The demons in Hindu stories are not real beings, but Samskaras or demons within. But, you already knew that. I find that though most people know the stories and are familiar with the symbols of deities, the allegorical meaning behind the symbols, idols and stories escapes us. Conventional sources do not do a good job of explaining the meaning. Not being religious myself, I find the allegory more interesting. I also find his use of the word archetype interesting. Individuals do seem to gravitate towards an archetype when it comes to images of gods and goddesses. Yours seems to be Durga. Hopefully, his explanations augment your understanding of these symbols. These are abstract concepts that can be applied to your life in real and meaningful ways.

    Also, he is not the best at this himself. You seem to be a questioning and intelligent person who will no doubt seek a deeper meaning and more sources to explain the meaning.

    I said I will not get too verbose and have gone on to type out a couple of paras more. I’ll shut up now.

    Best wishes and happy seeking

    – Srikanth

    PS: The meaning behind Ganesha, “The remover of obstacles”, is particularly interesting.


    • Dear Srikanth,

      Thank you very much for your comment! I really love reading about archetypes and symbolism and had never heard of Dr. Chalam so thank you so much for this information!

      I hope you are well!

      Take care,



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